In life, we are always faced with two driving forces that determine our every action. “Love” or “Fear”. Do you love yourself enough to back yourself in any situation? Or do your actions reflect the fear of failure?

Having been given a second chance at uni, I was relieved. Yet , I found myself also feeling afraid. It’s quite easy for us as human beings to let fear control our lives. It certainly became the case for myself. As I gave myself time to process what had just transpired, I knew I had only one option. I wasn’t going to let anything stop me. I had to turn things around. This was back to the wall stuff. During the summer holidays, I took up extra subjects to make up for the ones I failed. I ended up passing them, and actually did pretty well. Ok, so now I had a bit of belief back. “I got this, I just need to focus”, I told myself. I registered for more subjects the next year and started paying attention to how I was studying. When you start paying attention to the little details, you discover something new. For myself, I discovered new friends and a new methodology of studying. I realised that effective study involved having the willingness to learn from books, and putting the time in to understand them. All of a sudden, I realised that I could do this. Intelligence is built out of belief.

There were many students doing my course that wanted to get into medical school. We formed study groups, and together, we helped each other excel in our subjects. Instead of worrying about why I wasn’t in medical school, or why I felt others were smarter than me, I directed that focus onto myself. And this shift in thinking resulted in personal success. Over the next 2 years, I raised my average to the highest levels. In doing so, I proved to myself something that I always knew was within me. I only needed belief and the only person that stood in my way was myself.

When I was nearing the completion of my degree, I started doing the math. I needed a certain average that would allow me to apply for medical school. It appeared that I had failed too many subjects in my first year and it cost me. No matter how well I did since then, it really didn’t matter. There was no point anymore. I had made life very difficult for myself. I’m sure many people can relate to what I’m saying. When you work so hard and you finally do something you can be proud of, there is nothing more deflating than finding out it still wasn’t good enough. Graduation came along and I got myself a Science degree. But what was I to do with it?

At this stage, I was stuck again. One of my friends asked me whether I still wanted to get into medical school. Afterall, I gave it my best shot and it didn’t work out. And then the self-doubt crept in. That fear of failure that constantly plagued me. I thought, “Maybe my career advisers in high school were right about me. Maybe I didn’t have what it takes to become a doctor. Maybe I should be more realistic and find a job somewhere else?” And so that’s what I did. I found a temporary job in the city processing health insurance claims, whilst a couple of days a week I would go to the Anatomy department at the University of Melbourne, and clean up corpses for dissection work. I was satisfied with an income, but I knew this was not what I had imagined I would be doing with my life. Not forever anyway. I started applying to overseas medical schools.